The quality of all these people varies enormously. They can be good, bad, or indifferent. They are representatives of systems which are extremely powerful and where you can feel like a number rather than a person. This can be very frustrating and not the sort of hassle you need in a crisis. It is also a system which has a poor track record in acknowledging the distress faced by men abused as boys. Nevertheless, some Survivors have found these professionals to be helpful and welcome on their life raft.
Other types of support
Supportive people are an important part of your crisis team on your life raft. But there are other things too. Consider if any of the following are important for you :-
- Do you have any activities or hobbies that help you ‘blow off steam?’ It might be watching T.V., jogging, listening to music, playing games on a computer.
- Are there any objects your find particularly comforting? Sometimes people have good luck charms, or objects associated with ‘good times.’ These can be comforting to have around in a crisis.
- Do you have any spiritual or religious beliefs: These can be anything ranging from strong political beliefs to being part of an organised religion. Such beliefs can be great sources of comfort in times of crisis.
- Pets can also be a source of comfort. A loving dog or cat can give a lot of support and acceptance and may even sense that you’re having a painful time.
Build your raft and put on it what you need to feel safe. This will include a few carefully chosen people who you know are supportive. You are in charge of the raft and where it is going. But they can help you over the rapids.
You did not deserve to be abused and you do not deserve any of the suffering that has gone with it. You deserve a fulfilling, happy life.
Suicide is a taboo subject. People don’t usually want to talk about it, but many men who’ve suffered sexual abuse as boys think about it, plan it, even attempt it. Why?
Childhood abuse can have so many harmful effects it’s no wonder many men think about killing themselves. If you’re one of them see if any of the following seems true for you :-
- You feel very depressed, like there’s no point in living.
- You may feel like you can never get anything right and that you’re no use to anyone.
- The future might seem completely hopeless.
- You may feel like the only way to blot out the pain you are feeling is to end it all.
- You may not really want to die, but you want oblivion, a peace, where there’s no more pain.
Feeling suicidal can occur at different stages of recovery. Sometimes it happens when you start remembering the abuse and trying to come to terms with what happened. At this point you may experience a lot of emotional pain and chaos. Then, as you start recovering you may feel despair thinking of the long road that lies ahead. But the feelings of pain and chaos can often come back later on if you uncover new memories, or even when you achieve what seems like a positive breakthrough.